The main purpose of thoughts like these are to keep you safely snuggled in your comfort-zone. Here are 3 reasons why money is not what is holding you back from dating incredible women: In fact, one of the great things about being in a relationship with someone is that you get to watch them grow and evolve through their challenges. You get to see each other experience life and you get to support each other on your individual journeys.
Why you shouldn't enter a relationship you can't afford
So how do you get a woman to perceive your lack of money as part of an exciting journey that she would like to accompany you on, rather than baggage she wants to avoid? Either way, your relaxed energy about the situation will influence her perception of your financial status. Women are not attracted to money. Money is a piece of paper. They may however, be attracted to the qualities that a man has to exhibit over a period of time in order to eventually earn large sums of money.
Some women value intimacy and love over ambition and drive. Some women value adventure and freedom over clarity and certainty. How important these qualities are depends entirely on the woman you are dating.
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If you both share the same values, money will not be an issue. Most women would agree that they would rather go on a fun, energetic, low cost date with a man they can really connect with, rather than an extravagant, expensive date at a fancy restaurant where they feel awkward or bored. You can spend dollars on a date and still have no guarantee of a second date.
Women care more about how they feel on a date, than how much it costs for you. The truth is, some of our most cherished moments in life were simple. I know I can meet up with my best friend, sit on a bench in the park for a few hours, and leave feeling like I had the most amazing time.
Your focus should not be on impressing her with the amount you spent on the date, but rather on creating an exciting, mysterious, and fun adventure for her. The energy you bring to the date will be the energy she feels. It's like as soon as you got comfortable with me, you stopped giving a shit. And that's not sustainable. The mechanics of the relationship fundamentally change, because mathematically, they have to. And by then, you've sabotaged your personal financial future and the future of your relationship.
So how do you avoid that? Do you come clean right off the bat and say, "I can only afford meals that are ordered by saying a number"? Well, that's kind of the problem, because I once had a friend whom I thought lived with the word's most interesting cast of zany housemates.
Every time we went drinking, he had the best stories about how one of them found a baby skunk and tried to build it a box bed, or threw their new bright red shirt in with his whites, or invited a door-to-door Mormon missionary in for dinner because they thought he and my friend would hit it off.
It was two years before he finally confessed that he actually lived at home with his parents, brothers, and grandmother. While we're adding to the list of stuff that's totally unfair, in society, we tend to judge people before we really get to know them. And when you're in any kind of "transition" phase, like being unemployed, working a temporary job until you can get a real one, or living at home, it's not always easy to answer basic questions like "What do you do? When the answers to those questions are "I'm an accountant for Money Business and I own a condo in the Gold Moneyville," then your date can hide a yawn behind their hand and move on to discussing what they're binging on Netflix.
But if the answer is "Well, I used to have an amazing small business and owned a house with my ex. But then my business went under and the relationship ended, so right now I'm living with my folks and working at my dad's horse-tickling business until I get back on my feet," that might dredge up way more deep and personal stuff than you're willing to share over your first cup of coffee. We can all agree that lying about basic personal stuff can come back to bite you hard in the ass if a relationship develops.
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Bullshitting about your life isn't the best way to start dating someone. Eventually, they'll get suspicious about why you two are always steaming up the car windows around the corner from your house instead of going inside and introducing them to your wacky "housemates".
Dating Someone with Less Money or More Time
So instead, you get good at turning every tricky conversation into a wacky "Thanks for asking- hey, what's that over there?! You make sure you've always got a handy story ready to explain away your unemployment when someone innocently asks if you "had a good at day at work. You become a master at quickly switching the focus of a conversation onto the other person and getting them talking about themselves. It's not that you want to lie or hide anything. It's that it's perfectly normal to want to avoid talking about the tricky or hard parts of your life until you get to know the other person better.
Can we all just agree that the traditional model of dating sucks? Once you've managed to attract an elusive other by tempting them to swipe right on a carefully posed picture that looks absolutely nothing like everyday you, you get to dress up like a fake version of yourself, go to a fancy place you'll probably never eat at again, and make the kind of scripted small talk that only happens in bad comedies. Then, no matter how kind, sweet, interesting, cool, intelligent, or determined you are, you face the risk of being rejected just because you don't have tons of disposable money to throw at this elaborate game, or because the current story of your life doesn't fit society's specific definition of "success.
It's no wonder so many of my most interesting friends have given up on "dating" altogether. If your life is in transition and you want to find somebody totally awesome who understands that, sometimes you've got to look at ways of throwing out the old playbook and writing your own. Like, you learn to just hang out with friends and let a relationship evolve without actually going on any formal dates.
Maybe you hit up free interesting events in town and schedule them around not shelling for meals. Maybe you throw a game night or movie night, and invite them to come hang out casually with you and your friends. Sometimes the best way to meet somebody awesome is through a friend and not an app.
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Which is why I often just showed up at a friend's house and started eating their food without warning or permission. My definition of "date" is a gray area. I understand that may not always seem possible, and sometimes you have to get creative as shit in order to pull it off. But I've known plenty of people in long-term relationships that started off with "My friend is having a party on Friday night. Want to go with me?
Some of the hottest, most creative, interesting, and fuckable people I know are underemployed and still live with their parents for a variety of reasons. They're starting interesting businesses, going to school, in the military reserves, using their parents as a home base to travel, saving for a major goal, or giving back to their families. In a place like Toronto, where almost 50 percent of Millennials live in multi-generational homes, the question isn't whether the seemingly interesting hottie you just met on Queen West still lives at home, but why they do.
Finding out the answer might require asking some deeper, more interesting questions, and that will tell you a lot about who they are as a person.
What are their long-term goals? Do they have an actual plan for achieving them? Or are they just eating Cheezies and playing video games, hoping a music contract is going to land in their lap?
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What are their relationships like with their parents, grandparents, and siblings? Do they have a curfew and expect their mom to do their laundry? Or are they outside at six in the morning, chopping wood or taking grandma to chemotherapy? Do they have their own room, or do you have to fuck on the roof? Learning those things will tell you much more about that person's "true self" than any date.
Does the fact they live at home mean they're lazy? Or that they're resilient, took a couple of hard knocks in life, and are going to come back fighting?
Tips for Dating Someone with Less Money or More Time
Does it mean they value family? Does it mean they're actually a better person to build a future with than someone with their own place and a "good job," but who only cares about themselves? Either way, it's going to mean talking about stuff a lot deeper than what bands they like or what their opinion is of the latest Marvel movie.
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